Monthly Challenge: Fears

[featheredhugs]

It's October and growing up I have often associated this month with fear... Zombies and bedsheet ghosts and all sorts of varieties of the undead. When I was younger, I had a lot of fears. Then when I grew up, those fears changed. There may not be a monster under my bed, but there are daily monsters to be faced every day. This month's challenge is Fears. Scary stories told with a flashlight, monsters in the dark, giant spiders... or maybe it's not a monster. Maybe it's facing fears or even being controlled by them. Is your character brave enough to slay a dragon but has a secret fear of bugs? What kind of phobias might they have in the right situations? How can they develop by facing their fear? Would they do it alone?

Comments

Jesse has more fears than these, but he isn't all that aware of any of them

[silverfox]

Jesse stared out into the wide empty space. There were stars of course, but he didn't recognise any of them. Perhaps he should have taken the time to study the star maps of this dimension sometime, but he'd always been too busy making plans for ... was it his own dimension anymore, or was this now?

Or had this been his dimension ever since he'd betrayed the humans ... the fleshlings ... and was no more now that he had betrayed the Outriders as well?

He'd always thought of himself as a member of the human race, but when he'd betrayed it he'd walked away without a second thought. He'd known he could never return, except as a conqueror, and he hadn't cared. He'd gone to live among the Outriders and never looked back.

What was different this time?

Was it that he had no other race to take refuge with? He didn't need one. Nemesis had been furious, yes, but he'd only banished him for a year. This time he could go back, was even expected to, and nobody could kill him without having to face Nemesis' wrath. A far cry from the public execution that most likely awaited him if he ever returned to the New Fronteer.

So why was he afraid to return? What exactly was he afraid of?

No, he did not fear for his life – or even his liberty or health. He could defend himself and ... well, nobody had attacked him while he'd lain helpless in medbay. They probably wouldn't now either. Except maybe for Istar and Orat, but they'd have done it before as well. He wasn't afraid of them.

Well, maybe a little afraid of Istar. That one was deadly ...

But that wasn't nearly as intense as his fear of returning to the War World. So what was the cause?

He tried to imagine his return. He'd land, report in to Nemesis and then ... Well, he'd have to find somewhere to sleep. Hopefully they'd kept his old room for him. If not he'd have to get a bed in a dorm. He was used to sleeping in one now, but it meant asking either Cuth or Razzle to let him join and he could well imagine what they'd say. How they'd look at him after what he'd done ... Yes, that was it. His actions, though unintentionally, had killed so many. Most likely everybody he'd meet would have known somebody who'd died. Or they'd at least know somebody who'd known somebody ...

Gattler had already told him that some of Jean-Claude's relatives had been among the dead and Jesse had not seen Jean-Claude, nor heard from him since the incident. Jean-Claude who'd been his almost constant companion whenever he'd been on the War World before.

Of course he didn't need a guide otr translator anymore. He knew the place and the language just fine, but still it'd be ... lonely?

What was he thinking? Had he taken on the Outriders' odd pack-forming habits? He'd always been a loner before. He'd be perfectly fine!

If only he got his old single room back ...




He hesitated before leaving the spaceship, but there was nobody there to look at him strangely. The hangar and hallways were wide and empty. Almost spookily so! Where was everybody?

Were they all busy elsewhere or were they avoiding him?

At least there was somebody in Nemesis' office, but it wasn't Nemesis himself and all he learned was that both his room and his old office were gone and all his stuff stored away somewhere. Where only the quarter-master would be able to tell him, but his office too was empty and looked to have been so for a while.

What could he do now? Where could he leave his bag, if he had neither an office nor a place to sleep?

He was probably expected to reclaim his old bed in Razzle's dorm.

But was Razzle's dorm even still there? He decided to check. If he couldn't find the quarter-master today, it would at least be a place to spend the night. If he was even welcome. If he wasn't, though. maybe that'd be a good argument for needing a private room.

The living quarters were quiet but not dead silent. Some common soldiers were milling about in the corridor outside one of the bigger dorms.

Jesse ignored them. Who knew how they'd react if he tried to ask them a question.

The door was still there in any case. Jesse rang, wondering what he'd do in case nobody answered or the dorm turned out to be inhabited by strangers. He'd definitely look pretty foolish.

To his relief the door slid aside.

-Jesse?-

-Point?-

-Well, who did you expect?-

Jesse shrugged. -Grammis, I suppose. Somehow it seems it always ended up being Grammis that let me in.-

-Well, if you'd just gone to Razzle ...- Point stopped. -Actually, you still have to go to Razzle. He came back this morning and relieved me of dorm elder duties right away. Not that there's much of a dorm anyway.-

That didn't sound good.

-Why? What happened?-

-Oh, haven't you heard? House Zystin's gone crazy. They ...-

-Of course I've heard that,- Jesse snapped. -But what does it have to do with the dorm? In fact, why the hell is the whole bloody base empty? Shouldn't it be bustling with war preparations?-

He'd walked inside while he spoke and let his bag drop to the floor. There. now they'd have a harder time kicking him out at least.

-Because all of our people took time off to help their clans get settled on Rukkat.- Razzle snapped from somewhere behind him. -And apparently they never learned to pack quickly.- He was standing in the kitchen door sneering. Jesse's lips twitched at the familiar sight. -And all the colonists left without bothering to pack much at all so they wouldn't be caught here in case their clans decide against us. Feel much like becoming a hostage, Puppy?- And then the sneer vanished. -Come here. This time you're not getting away without registering properly.-

-Where's the rest of your stuff?- Point asked eyeing the bag.

-In storage. I can't find the quarter-master and thought I'd take a break from looking.-

-Next to the mess,- Razzle supplied. -But he's new and incompetent. Send Azpet. He at least isn't likely to kill the nuisance.-

-And why does everybody want to ... Wait a minute? Azpet?- Jesse asked confused. -What's that about Azpet?-

Azpet was a young commoner that had once filled the role of Jesse's secretary. He'd been one of the most competent people on his staff, but had had a tendency to get noticeably nervous in the presence of influential nobles. Razzle had always had a nasty comment for him, but Jesse had thought he merely liked the panicked reaction.

-Oh, Point still has him.- Razzle replied casually. -And I've got Ramszet stashed away somewhere, but I'm not sure he was worth saving. We've misplaced Kerost and Urak in all this chaos, though.-

-But I still have about three quarters of Kerostsz flyers.- Point threw in. -You'll just have to find yourself a new subcommander for them. And fill up the vacancies of course, but then we've all got vacancies right now. It'll be a right chaos.-

-More like an officer shopping fair,- Razzle declared. -And Kerost's no loss. Maybe you ought to try to exchange Ramszet while you're at it. You might never again get the chance to snatch up competent staff this cheaply.-

-Hold on guys!- This was going way too fast. -I didn't say you have to give them back. I wasn't expecting you to.-

-But that's why we kept them.- Point returned simply. -You didn't honestly think we ever wanted Ramszet and Kerost, did you?-

-But I ... I don't want them either. You really shouldn't have. I don't want ...-

-What?- Razzle asked unusually gently. -What's wrong, Puppy? You don't look at all well.-

-I ... don't want to be responsible for that many people.- Jesse realised suddenly. -Not right away at least. I think ... I think, maybe you were right. Maybe I really am too young. I should have started smaller.-

Point stared at him. -What?-

But Razzle nodded. -Puppy's figured out that he isn't infallible.- he translated. -So far so good, but here's another lesson: Neither are we. Neither is Nemesis. Keep it in mind and go on. It's just another perk of the job.-

His protests didn't help. Five minutes later he had official command of what was left of his old units back and also finally knew what Grammis had meant when he'd told him to see Razzle.

Five minutes! That was all it took to get his own key card for the dorm, his own storage cupboard and a list of the dorm rules ... and he hadn't even had to ask. They'd wanted him to have them all along.